Kevan Smith – Cold Coffee

“Whatcha mean cold coffee?? My mother and great grandmother, and her girlfriend (yes, she finally came out), hate cold coffee. Personally, I’ll drink coffee through a shitty rag. We useta have races at the factory on who could leave their coffee the longest to see who’s was the coldest. One bloke left his coffee for 3 weeks. – We then found out he’d died 2 weeks before from bad coffee. Supposedly he won.”

“But I’ll drink coffee at any temperature. Even make coffee ice cubes in the freezer. Once, I even added them to my Wheeties. Gave them a lovely crunchy sound – until I broke a tooth.”

“But can’t make coffee strong enough. We add 5 heaped teaspoons (of the strongest coffee I can buy) to a two-mug plunger, then add two more scoops for a second. I’ve even put a half-drunk in the fridge overnight to pour over my brekky. But I’m getting a little worried. I think the three cups after midnight seems to take over my phone games at times ….and the jitters! Why does the pen always wobble in my fingers? Let alone the bloody paper jumping about!! Gotta get these glasses fixed!!”