Kevan Smith – Nature

 I don’t know what and why people do things?  They just burst out with some rigmarole, some pansy-arsed drivel and expect people to believe what they say no matter how stupidly inaccurate it may be.  Well, it must be inaccurate if I don’t agree with it.  It must be codswallop if it doesn’t balance with every little thing I propose.  Why else would God and the laws of nature ever give me these absolutely wonderful thoughts, if they weren’t perfectly true and correct?  Nature just doesn’t produce such brilliance if it wasn’t absolutely, wonderfully marvellous.

Take the other day.  I had a thought and lo and behold I TOLD people around me how wonderful are my thoughts.  Everyone sat there stunned, quiet, reflective of the sheer brilliance of such a concept.  I could see it in their eyes, the way they wouldn’t, couldn’t look at me in case my brilliance overwhelmed them and had their minds collapsing into mush.  They shuffled their legs, some jittered, some coughed and spluttered, some tried to / wanted to get up and leave but the bus just kept on chugging along, bouncing along the road, making sure it didn’t miss any potholes.  Extremely entranced by my stream of consciousness they just sat there stunned, forced into their seats by the force of nature before them, elucidating such profound considered brilliance.

Then the bus slowed down and pulled to the side of the road at the yellow bust stop sign.  Well, was I surprised, all those wonderful people all lived in this very area, all of them rose as one and pushed and jostled and shoved each other to get off the bus first.  It was almost as if the first one off got a special prize or something.  Fancy, what are the odds of getting on a bus where all the occupants lived in the same street, the same bus stop?  My, I’m such a brilliant speaker, marvellous orator, genius mind, and now luckiest man alive to have the whole bus to myself.  Every seat free.

I must go down the front and tell the Driver what a wonderful force of nature I am.