Michael Collins – Lemon

“You can’t hang ten on a lemon.” This was an ad. I actually forget what for. Hang Ten may have been a T-shirt? Not sure. My good friend since primary school told me that ‘lemons’ were surfies. He was a surfie. Pretty sure the last type of individual ‘lemons’ referred to were surfies. The very last. I think he was confused by the ‘hang ten’ allusion which has something to do with surfboards and waves…though maybe I am confusing that with Deltans masterpiece… Hanging Five… with ones 'toes upon the Malibu’. I am guessing ‘Malibu’ is a surfboard…

Anyway the only lemon I have been formally introduced to is George…A fine yellow chap with not much to say…I liked him right away.

Personally I find the gifted lemons at Vesna’s lemon tree to be a real boon. I have a freezer full of lemon/orange/apple drinks ready to be consumes when the time is right. A refreshing and non-fattening combination of tastes.

I had a lemon tree once. It died. I also had an avocado tree: for 20 years. It produces one avocado. A fine specimen it was, too… very nice. Then it died. One damn avocado. I was glad I never watered it again… after such a pathetic effort.

Getting back to that ad. I think the makers of those shirts…if that is what is was, were actually thinking of people, date I say it, like me… who never had that certain physique  that would suit a really cool t-shirt. They eventually went out of business, and good riddance.

Lemons all across Newcastle held a party, I believe…I think they all wore Hang Ten t-shirts and spilled beer and pizza on them…On purpose.