Ricci Schwarzler - Nature

 Why is nature so cruel?

Who knows. But is it?

I don't think so.

Take the trees. They aren't cruel. Take the sea. It's only cruel if you're in it when you shouldn't be. Take the sun. Nope only if I get sunburnt, but that would have been my own stupid fault anyway. Ahh take the animals…only really if you're the prey, or if you're a cat. Cats are definitely cruel and they are a composite part of nature. They’re congruous. Take the crows yep, they are; but most of all, and I think you know where I'm going with this… take the humans. What a bloody blot on nature they are. Nature must have been really peeved off with herself when she made them. Stupid bloody things. Arrogant, noisy (but not as much as cockatoos), selfish, narcissistic, blind, and messy…but nature was pretty clever with everything else.

After she made humans, she turned to the Chief Executive Operations Manager of the Universe and said,

“Fuck. What the hell do I do now?”

Being a man, he said,

“How should I know? It's your mess. Clean it up yourself. Oh, and can you just help me adjust this Black Hole issue I've created?”

“Fuck off”, she promptly replied.

He slinked off, sulking.

Now she kind of realised where the human idea came from.

“What the hell was I thinking?”

The Chief Executive for Quality popped in for a cuppa and Nature spilled the beans on the mishap.

“I’ve made these stupid things for Earth and I've stuffed up.”

The Chief Exec for Quality was shocked, but understood the predicament.

“What can we do?”, she asked.

“I don't know. I've tried to recall them…but they're very similar, but not so useless useful, as the crawley cockroaches I created. they just breed so bloody fast.

“Okay let's throw a volcano at them.”

“Okay”

CRASH, BOOM, SPURT.

“Oh my god they're getting out of the way.”

“WHAT?”

“Oh, it's okay. It got rid of some of them.” said a relieved Nature.

“Phew, what else?”

“Well, I've had this idea for a small crawley flyie thing, that spreads and even smaller squirmy thing, that bites the humans and they get really sick and die.”

“Oh, sounds perfect. What's it called?”

“Oh, I don't know…How about…a mosquito?”

‘Weird, but that'll do. Get it out there!”

Nature rushed the design through. It wasn't perfect. They had some flaws, particularly not being quick enough to put pull their long pointy thing out of the human before they got squished, but she implemented the plan and out they went.

The Chief Exec for Quality Manager, and Nature watched on in anticipation.

“It's working, yayyyy!”

Millions of humans died, but still not enough.

“OK, just to top it off, I've had an idea. I'm going to add in a fix, so that the humans think they are sooo great they will continually fight and keep killing each other off.”