‘I’m sorry for not doing everything you asked when you asked it. I’m sorry I didn’t put the car in the garage exactly how you wanted it, even though it was exactly where you put it last time. I’m sorry I don’t calculate numbers in the exact method that you do, even though we still come to the same result. I’m sorry I don’t dress up better when we go out even though you wear the most ridiculous and inappropriate old clothes. I’m sorry I don’t agree with the same things as you,

‘Jono, it’s me.’ ‘Yeah, what d’ja want?’ ‘Well, you know how you said you could return a favour to me for helping you do better and getting 43% in your English essay?’ ‘Yeah. Mum was really pleased with that,’ Jono said proudly. ‘Yeah, well I need you to get something for me.’ ‘Yeah, what?’ ‘Well, you see there’s this girl I really, really like and I know I can talk to her ok, but I don’t really know how to get her into bed.’ ‘Yeah right, so?’ ‘Well, I was think

‘Stand up! Sit down.’ ‘Make up your bloody mind’. Cassie sat down. ‘Come over here.’ ‘Oh for God’s sake what now’. Cassie moved over to the window. ‘What? What is it? I can’t see anything.’ I wish he’d bloody well explain himself better. ‘Now come and look at this.’ ‘You have to be f&%*ing kidding me. Yes what?’ Cassie got off the lounge and strolled over. ‘Again I can’t see a thing, you moron,’ she stated the obvious. But he was oblivious to her insults. This wen

The crows were sitting in their usual tree. Ah Ahhhing as usual. It was a usual day. There were normally three crows but today there were only two. I wonder what they are thinking, I thought to myself, as I sipped my cup of Earl Grey, sans milk, sans sugar. I am a purist after all. I wonder if birds can be purists? I mean will some of them only ever eat a particular type of seed they won't add other seeds to it…or milk or sugar I suspect. They seem to be chatting to each othe

The mist crept into the valley. But not like it usually did. A young woman was sitting in her favourite tree house, looking out down the valley, into the gorge and across the escarpment. She usually felt like she was in the clouds, but not today. The mist was there. It usually felt ethereal, and she usually felt like she had summoned it, and that she was the Enchanter. But not today. Today it was a dark green mist and that wasn’t normal she thought to herself. Parts of th

I’m bored. I’m bored. Ohhhh. What can I do now? I’m so bored I could mow the lawns. No I could clean the bins out. No. I could go through my mail. No. God, what can I do? I’ve got so much that I could be doing, but none of it really inspires me. Ooo. I could write a story. Nah. Bloody hell, I’m just so bored. Oh my god...I have some chocolate slice in the fridge. I could eat that. Yayyyy! How could I be so forgetful?

It was by way of return that I stumbled on my old school enemy at the train station. I had been travelling and working for 10yrs. It was time to come home and settle in to running my parent’s cattle station. They had been so kind to allow me the freedom to have a life of my own and now that they were getting on I wanted to be there for them. They had never implied that I had to run the station but I wanted to do it and do it well. There she was Karen What’s Her Name. I coul

I decided to switch my style and write nice happy pieces. I thought about kittens and puppies and sunshine and roses. They just didn’t do it for me. That’s not to say I don’t like them…I just couldn’t get inspired. Hmmmm. Hmmmm some more. Difficult. I thought about the old lady who lived next door. Maybe I’ll get some inspiration. I didn’t know much about her and hardly saw her. I decided to find out more, but it wasn’t the sort of thing you look up on LinkedIn…well I

‘What the fuck.’ ‘What?’ ‘Every time.’ ‘What?’ ‘This fucking coffee is cold.’ ‘Oh dear.’ ‘I'm going to tell them.’ ‘Ohhhh.’ ‘Excuse me girly.’ ‘Oh no.’ ‘Yes.’ says the eighteen-year-old, astounded at the address. ‘My fucking coffee is cold AGAIN,’ says my 89 year old mother. To say the girlie was astounded is an understatement. ‘Go to get the manager!’ With this girlie slinks off and talks to the manager. A very well dressed lady strides over, jaw set, looking more like she h

‘You’re with Daddy today at work?’ ‘Yes.’ ‘How are you enjoying it?’ ‘Very well thank you.’ ‘Oh, what beautiful manners. Who’s your favourite, Daddy or Mummy?’ ‘Daddy today but Mummy tomorrow.’ She always liked to be fair and not have just one favourite. ‘Oh, how sweet. What do you want to be when you grow up Kiki?’ ‘An architect’, Kiki said casually. ‘Wow, ok that will be terrific.’ She smiled and nodded at the man. ‘Can I play in the sand please Daddy?’ ‘Y

The members gathered for the Annual General Meeting. Bored faces stared around the room. Scared faces looked down at their phone, by way of avoiding any eye contact which might lead to a role on the Board. Least seen the better. The overzealous Secretary started the meeting. Was this protocol? Who knew, and quite frankly, who cared. Nobody. At a very high decibel the meeting started, time taken, apologies given and minutes read. Boring. The Secretary started on about the

‘I'm innocent,’ said little Timmy. ‘I don't think so’, said the teacher. ‘Yep it wasn't me’. ‘Wasn't you who did what?’ 'Stole the money out of your draw and pulled Jemma's hair’. ‘Look you little drop kick, it's time to own up to your bad behaviour.’ ‘But I don't have bad behaviour.’ ‘Ha! are you joking? But you're right it's not bad it's abysmal!’ The other five-year-olds looked on in amazement and stunned silence. ‘Look Timmy Johnson that money was mine.' ‘Mine too.' ‘No i

They arrived as if by magic. My relatives. The scroungers. Always on the prowl for a handout. Oh my god, I can’t stand them. Look at them. My mother, lives with her rich sugar daddy…who incidentally didn’t end up being so rich, and not only used up any money she had left, but then had to sell his fancy house, car and boat to pay his debts. So now they both live hand to mouth, but with an aristocratic lifestyle and expecting me to pay for everything. Here they come up the

Blowing gently…a mere zephyr moves the gentle giants that live outside my windows. They remind me that our planet is alive. They constantly keep me in touch with nature. Reminding me that in my busy life, nature is still one of the most important aspects of my life. They connect me with the planet, with the weather, with what might come. They are portents of storms that frequently come my way. A still day, the trees remain silent. Not moving, not talking. No noise. The

Silence, calm, serenity, nature. Peace. For me they are the natural environmental factors that give me peace. A calmness that makes me know I am part of the earth. I am a small part. Maybe I am an important part. Maybe not. I find peace in many other things; a relaxing conversation with someone special, a fun journey of discovery, haunting music or lyrics, beautiful architecture and art, learning something from people, animals or the planet, understanding and enjoying life

Hmm what a day. I stood by my bowl for ALL to see…did they? No of course not. What is wrong with these humans? They can’t understand my language and they can’t even understand body language or even direct visual cues. They are moronic. I’m starving. They haven’t given me any meat and my secondary biscuit bowl is insultingly devoid of biscuits. Do they forget that I can’t open the fucking cupboard myself? Nor open the bag with its fancy kliplok seal…who could open those stup

She felt the call arrive in her body. She could feel the insistence, the desperation, the intense feeling of uncontrollable rage. She walked out onto the deck and with wings outcast she cannoned into the sky. She followed the feeling but it was strange. It was a dark feeling on a dark, moonless night. But she didn’t need light, she had the feeling emanating in her body. She began to shake. The feeling was immense. It had never felt like this before. Her body was racked with

Curved fins curved in and out of the water. Bobbing along around us. I jumped in to join them. Googles clear, no scuba. A large breath and down I went. They moved fast and slow around me. I dived to 3m and held my breath as long as I could. Watching them engage with each other. What were they thinking? ‘What’s she doing here?’ or ‘Oh how nice she came to visit us.’ I remained vertical, spinning around slowly. They came gracefully closer to me. I reached out but didn’t touch

He stared at the dead body. Its head caved in. ‘What do we know?’ ‘Well, it looks like he’s had a heart attack.’ ‘WHAT? No it doesn’t. It looks like he’s sustained a blow to the head with a blunt object, I’d say.’ ‘Well maybe he fell and hit his head and then had a heart attack.’ Shaking his head he stared at her. She stood calmly staring at the body and he could tell she was processing the entire event. It was her first dead body. He knew from the past, that when

The globe spun around and round. ‘Look at the Atlas children.’ ‘That's not an Atlas that's a globe.’ ‘Don't argue Tim, just do as I say.’ ‘Yes but you got it wrong miss.’ ‘Don't be so rude Tim or you'll sit in the corner.’ ‘But...’ ‘No buts.’ ‘But don't you know an Atlas is a book?’ With this the rest of the five year olds nodded their heads in five year old wisdom. ‘Wasn't Atlas a man?’ The teacher smugly asked. ‘Oh nooo,’ Little Tim said knowingly. ‘Yes he was,’ the teacher