Writing sample 3 – Memoir

When I think about my grandmother's kitchen, I remember the smell first. It was always warm and comforting, and there was usually something delicious cooking on the stove. My grandmother was a very kind person who loved having her grandchildren around. She would smile and tell us stories while she prepared dinner. The kitchen itself was quite small, with yellow walls and an old wooden table. I can still remember sitting there after school, watching rain run down the window while she cut apples for a pie. Those afternoons seem very far away now.

Critique:

Positive: Descriptive. The group particularly liked the penultimate sentence: ‘I can still remember…’

Could improve: Most found the introduction of the smell intriguing but unsatisfying: what is the smell? Lavender? Cabbage? What are the delicious things? It is also unclear whether the focus is the kitchen or the grandmother: the subject begins as the kitchen but shifts to the grandmother without much signalling. The descriptions are intriguing but feel somewhat disjointed.